So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
