My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
