Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
