I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
