Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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