If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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