My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.