Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.