do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My boob is missing a layer of skin
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.