her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."