So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.