Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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