my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
