I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
