Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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