If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
