I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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