How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
