There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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