I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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