I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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