My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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