Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
