im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
