Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
