when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize