I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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