Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize