Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
