But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
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