Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
