Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
