i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
