i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
So many bounce houses so little time
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
