Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
try to milk me bitch
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