Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
