please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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