3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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