wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
