Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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