After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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