I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
