a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
