I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
