Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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