im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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