you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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