I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm determined to sit on that face.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
