were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
