sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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