dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
