Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
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I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
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My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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