have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
