My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
