he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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