We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
