can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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