I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
