i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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