I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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