So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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