My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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