i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
