i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
