Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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